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Pelor...God of Agriculture?, Bahamut...typical human deity
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EileenProphetofIstus
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Joined: Jun 28, 2007
Posts: 725
Location: Montevideo, Minnesota, US

PostPosted: Mon Apr 07, 2008 4:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ragr said:
Quote:
My poor, deluded, cloistered Prophet. You really must get out more often.


Wow, is that your way of asking me out? Embarassed Wow, a date, Oh boy! Happy Hmmm.....human and halfling with shoes, interesting. I suppose we could put really big lifts in your shoes or maybe get you some shoes of growth before we stop by my parents mansion outside of Greyhawk City. You know where Zagyg's Bridge is right? There's a small hill which overlooks it with a wonderful little mansion on top, that's where I live. It's been in the family for generations. Anyway, my dad works for the Greyhawk militia as a Commander so please make sure your dressed appropriately, call him sir until he asks you to address him differently and make sure that he knows that you have nothing but the best intentions with his little girl. Mum retired early from wizardry and now works primarly as a painter, so make sure you check out her painting gallery and request that she does a piece of work for you. Now they are going to ask you all sorts of questions, like who your parents are, where you live, what kind of halfling you are, if you wear pink and polka dot pants, you know, all the usual sorts of questions one gets, so make sure your on your best behavior and absolutely no borrowing/selectively taking/stealing/taking without asking/or otherwise acquiring anything in the house. Dad's got access to the keys to the citadel prison and it would really be embarressing if you ended up there. But before we go, we should really go shopping, your going to need some new clothes, those rags you have on simply will not do!

Ragr said:
Quote:
Next time you're passing wherever I've laid my hat, pop in for a lesson from the University of Life. The School of Street. The College Of Reality.


Wow, sounds like we are going to have lots of fun after the dinner at my parents house. Do you plan on taking me to all the seedy places I have never been allowed? Keep in mind that a lot of people in Greyhawk City know who I am by name and face and that I need to maintain my wholesome reputation. Wow, this is going to be so cool. I betcha we will even see a real live thief, or maybe a gambling house. Hey do you think we could take a tour of the thieves guild while we are in all the neat areas of Greyhawk City? Oh, and then I could take you around, you know, maybe stop by the homes of the various Olgarchy members, the theater, ummm....maybe a walk in the North Hills Park!

Ragr said:
Quote:
Of course they were Trogs. Ugly, pale and distinctly ripe. Definitely Trogs. Or gamers, of course.


Yea, I guess your right, I'm standing next to you and now that you mention it I can smell them on you. You want to stand downwind, move a little bit to the left, the sun is in my eyes...oh never mind, your not tall enough!, Just stand downwind. You will visit the bath house right before the big night right?

Ragr wrote:
Quote:
Now, I'm an equal opportunities Halfling, so if those lazy sods at The Little Homeless Halflings' whatever are too useless to seize, and I mean seize, the moments presented to them by the great inattentive then they deserve all they get. Don't come to me waving that charity box around, 'cause I'll send you home with an empty container for a helmet. Mad


Ok, I was thinking that eventually we would have, you know a big family, but I can see that your now quite ready for that, so maybe we will just get dog instead. I'm mean really, calling them lazy sods and saying they are useless and don't seize their opportunities....wow, kinda harsh.....you don't kick puppies do you? Oh, I get it, your just trying out your macho, tough guy routine thinking that in these hard times it will impress my dad! Gotcha! he's actually not like that at all. He is really nice. He only condemed 14 people to hanging last week and 2 just lost multiple appendages.

Ragr said:
Quote:
I have no problem with little Johnny's wailing,


Oh, you want to name our first child Johnny. Ok, that works for me.

Ragr said:
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Bob had 81 hp Shocked. In the words of the great Doppleganger, "I'm bad, I'm bad. Y'know it. "And that was Bob's grandmother? Heck! I thought it was Iggwilv. Laughing No wonder the purse was a little light.


Yes, Bob had 81 hit points! His grandmother had -3. Oh, and the purse may have been light but it was filled with those new forms of 4th edition currency, what are they called, astral diamonds I think. Just one of those is worth like $10,000 gold. I don't know how you figured Bob's Grandmother was Iggwilv, the woman was unconconscious sitting in her rocking chair, with needle point in her lap. I still can't believe you kicked her in the shin as well. Kinda reminds me of that moving illusion I once saw starring Chevy Chase, I think it was called National Lampouns Vacation. Old Aunt died so they sat her on top of their magical carriage and then it started to rain as they travelled down the road.

Ragr said:
Quote:
all your blathering is depressing the hell out of me. So, if you promise to stop hectoring me I'll come to Ull. But it had better be worth it. I don't want to hear nothing about soul cleansing.


Are you off your meds again? You know the doctor says you won't get better if you don't keep taking your medicine. Depression is a very serious issue in todays World of Greyhawk. Statistics prove that 1 out of every 7 people still suffer from post Greyhawk Wars syndrown. 1 out of 4 halflings suffer from height depresssion and try to compensate by wearing shoes. 1 out of 3 citizens who spend more than 5 hours a week at the tavern suffer from depression related alcoholism. Finally, 1 out of 5 join the Thieve's Guild because they are seeking a sense of belonging.

Ragr said:
Quote:
I can do manicures. No problem. You said you wanted those nails short, right?


I want them tipped and sharp, a brilliant red color, and while your at it, I think we should do your toes as well. Do you like hot pink?
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Eileen of Greyhawk, Prophet of Istus, Messenger of the Gods
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mortellan
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Joined: Feb 26, 2004
Posts: 2562
Location: Ullinois

PostPosted: Sat Apr 12, 2008 12:23 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

LoL. That is one of the funniest replies I've read all week Eileen. post Greyhawk Wars syndrome! Man can I steal that line? Laughing
Your family background and familiarity with GHC also astounds me. I can't wait to see how Ragr responds. *psst Ragr...Bridge of Entwined Hearts*
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Ragr
Master Greytalker


Joined: Apr 13, 2006
Posts: 654
Location: Frinton on Sea England

PostPosted: Sat Apr 12, 2008 4:16 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Mort, I don't know what passes for entertainment in Ull, although I could hazard a guess or two, but if you think I'm going to meet Eileen on The Bridge Of Entwined Things while you and a group of hairy, unclean, horse botherers watch on with popcorn and malice aforethought, think again. Wrong kind of fantasy, brov! Wink

Meet the Eileens? Shocked OMG! Are you truly insane? Maybe you're one of those Doomdweebies. And btw, this IS my best behaviour. It doesn't get any cleaner and more respectful than this. The pink polka dot thing was a one off. I needed to sneak into the Temple Of Heironeous unnoticed. Laughing

Your family sounds so lovely. The mansion so wonderful. Your mum's a painter, your dad's old bill (eh, cop). How idyllic. Makes me wanna go Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhh! And then heave. And then heave an orphan. Off the same hill. Come the revolution though, sister, I'm afraid it's the wall for your kind.

Now I've told you before, if you're going to bandy around terms like "thief", you better have some cold, hard evidence. And, as a wise colleague of mine once said, "we don't need no stinkin' badges". Or guilds.

So, your father hangs people. Doesn't quite fit with that wholesome image you cultivate, Prophet. But, if they were dumb enough to get caught I guess hangings almost too good for them. That's some dichotomy you've got going there. Your father hangs criminals on behalf of the city. The city is run by Thi......Oh, sorry. For one moment there I forgot how to spell Oligarchs. And you claim to know a few "Oligarchs" personally. Interesting.

Iggwilv/Bob's Grandmother was asleep? Jeez, I thought she was spellcasting. I thought the knitting needles were some kind of new fangled arcane focus jobbywhatsit. And that new 4e currency; A copper conman, a silver smug, a gold greedy, and a platinum pay pay pay and pay some more. That'll never catch on. Will it?

As for your statistics; I don't know whose sadder. The people who are them, or the people who quote them.
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EileenProphetofIstus
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Joined: Jun 28, 2007
Posts: 725
Location: Montevideo, Minnesota, US

PostPosted: Sat Apr 12, 2008 1:57 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ragr said:
Quote:
Mort, I don't know what passes for entertainment in Ull, although I could hazard a guess or two, but if you think I'm going to meet Eileen on The Bridge Of Entwined Things while you and a group of hairy, unclean, horse botherers watch on with popcorn and malice aforethought, think again. Wrong kind of fantasy, brov! Wink


Apparently Mort at least has a romantic side to him. Happy

Ragr said:
Quote:
Meet the Eileens? Shocked OMG! Are you truly insane? Maybe you're one of those Doomdweebies. And btw, this IS my best behaviour. It doesn't get any cleaner and more respectful than this. The pink polka dot thing was a one off. I needed to sneak into the Temple Of Heironeous unnoticed.


Well I have no idea what a Doomdweebies is but it doesn't sound good. I have seen the future my little friend and all I have to say is that for you, yes it does get cleaner, as far as best behavior, well that will be your choice, wondering what I am talking about, read on....

Quote:
Your family sounds so lovely. The mansion so wonderful. Your mum's a painter, your dad's old bill (eh, cop). How idyllic. Makes me wanna go Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhh! And then heave. And then heave an orphan. Off the same hill.


Of coarse my family is lovely, what else would they be? Of coarse the mansion is lovely, its been in the family for years. The property was originally handed to the family from Mayor Zagig Yragerne himself. You would know this if you ever bothered to read my character sheet. As you should know by now, I was selected by Istus personally for the entire salvation of the Flanaess. Such a job requires having the right attributes, such as great faith, charisma, and a lovely family, with a lovely home, on a lovely hill, overlooking a lovely bridge which crosses a lovely river, which flows pass a lovely city, which is the heart of a lovely game world, run by a lovely DM.

Ragr said:
Quote:
Now I've told you before, if you're going to bandy around terms like "thief", you better have some cold, hard evidence. And, as a wise colleague of mine once said, "we don't need no stinkin' badges". Or guilds.


Uh huh....do you see where this is going? Because I do! But then again, that's my job, to see things that you can't see, because they haven't happened yet! Keep reading....

Ragr said:
Quote:
So, your father hangs people. Doesn't quite fit with that wholesome image you cultivate, Prophet. But, if they were dumb enough to get caught I guess hangings almost too good for them. That's some dichotomy you've got going there. Your father hangs criminals on behalf of the city. The city is run by Thi......Oh, sorry. For one moment there I forgot how to spell Oligarchs. And you claim to know a few "Oligarchs" personally.


I daresay I do not cultivate a wholesome image, I worship the Goddess of Truth, so I don't lie nor exaggerate. It just happens to be that I am lovely, smart, and well mannered. As for my Father, now he is actually more of a soldier who has moved up the ranks and now holds a position of authority. His superior education and experience has granted him a position in which he is allowed to make the necessary decisions in keeping the riff raff out of Greyhawk City...more on this later....As for the specifics of the punishments handed down, well lets just say that he and I are Lawful Neutral (No not undecided like future variations will be), we are absolute in our convictions. We believe that the laws of our good city are fair and worthy of representing the belief system of society. If you are uncomfortable with the laws of the land perhaps you should do something to change that. We have a wonderful legal system in place just for people of discontent like yourself. The Oligarchy will be meeting next week if you would like to arrange a council with them. Perhaps you could bring your list of "new and better laws" with and present them to the council. That is if you can find the time....

And yes I know all of the Oligarchs currently in place within the city of Greyhawk. Mind you, I didn't say it was on any kind of personal level, but yes, I do know them. For the sake of political correctness, I will state that certain opinons of various individuals I am in accordant with while others are should we say less properly guided and motivated in their decisions concerning our fair city. Heck, if you think you can do a better job then go for it. I have it on good authority that one such member will soon be stepping down. No I can't tell you which one either. Yes I know which one as well as why they will be stepping down!

Ragr said:
Quote:
Interesting


Of coarse, everything I say and do is interesting. Thats because I am a lovely and interesting person, not to mention dedicated, responsible, wealthy, beautiful, intelligent, and loyal.

Ragr said:
Quote:
And that new 4e currency; A copper conman, a silver smug, a gold greedy, and a platinum pay pay pay and pay some more. That'll never catch on. Will it?


Not not in Greyhawk. It will be even less popular in future editions of D&D as well. 5th edition will be marketed as back to the basics, though this will be a bit of spin, there will be thread of significant truth to it as well, but we need to wait a few years for that one. Although if I were you, I would start collecting some of these coins if you can find them in mint condition. They won't be in circulation all that long.

Ragr said:
Quote:
Iggwilv/Bob's Grandmother was asleep? Jeez, I thought she was spellcasting. I thought the knitting needles were some kind of new fangled arcane focus jobbywhatsit.


Tsk, tsk, apparently you thought wrong. She was sewing a new sweater for your son little Johnny! Mad

Funeral processions for Bob's Grandmother will take place on Gods Day at 2:00 in the afternoon. Please bring a food or beverage along with your sincere condolences to the family. Sad

Ragr said:
Quote:
As for your statistics; I don't know whose sadder. The people who are them, or the people who quote them.


Your just upset because I quoted them first. Wink
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
3 Hours later, in the Citadel of Greyhawk City, the courtroom of Commander Barius of Greyhawk, Imperial Guardsman Commander, Judge of the City of Greyhawk.....

BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG....."ATTENTION, ATTENTION....THE HEARING OF RAGR VERSUS THE CITY OF GREYHAWK WILL NOW COME TO ORDER.....NOW THAT THE ACCUSED HAS BEEN PROPERLY BATHED AND ATTIRED AFTER CONSIDERABLE DIFFICULTY MAY I ADD, NEVER IN ALL MY YEARS HAVE I EVER SEEN A HALFLING PUT UP SUCH A FUSS ABOUT HAVING TO TAKE A BATH.

RAGR, ON THE CHARGES OF MURDER, THEFT, CONSPIRACY TO STEAL, BREAKING AND ENTERING, INDUSTRIAL ESPIONAGE, SLANDER, THROWING AN ORPHAN OFF THE BRIDGE OF ZAGYG, HURLING OFF THE BRIDGE OF ZAGYG AND POLLUTING THE WATERWAYS OF THE SELINTAN RIVER, REPEATED CASES OF ASSAULT (SUCH AS BOB AND JACK THE RHENNEE WHO WAS TRAVELING DOWN THE SELINTAN WHEN YOU HURLED OVER THE BRIDGE), BREAKING A DATE WITH MY LOVELY DAUGHTER EILEEN, ALONG WITH NUMEROUS OTHER CRIMINAL ACTIONS TO LENGTHY TO SPECIFY AT THIS TIME), HOW DO YOU PLEA?
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smillan_31
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Joined: Nov 07, 2004
Posts: 1825
Location: Mt. Smolderac

PostPosted: Sat Apr 12, 2008 9:06 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Poor Ragr, nicked by the rozzers, stripped out of 'is bling an' burberry an' sent up front of old Barnaby.

This merits a play by Liam Willspire, the Bard of Willip. "Never was there a tale of more woe than this of Eileen and her Ragr." No wait, that doesn't rhyme. Tale of more "stager".... "plaiger"... "beiger".... Man, I need a drink.
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Ragr
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PostPosted: Sat Apr 19, 2008 4:58 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hey, Smillan, that had me in stitches. Laughing You must related to **** Van Dyke; "Cahm ohrn Mairy Pop'inns". The only British accent worse than that was the bloke who played Daphne's brother in Frasier, I forget his name, fortunately.

Eileen, you know the Doomdweebies; heck we've been talking about "The Temple" enough recently. It's them purple clad losers Mort so brilliantly sends up.

My plea shall be entered by my solicitor from the firm of Shuttlecock & Wing-Tip Curlytoes;

Murder; Not guilty, on the grounds that most of those slain were in self defence, already dead, or, as fate would have it, just got in the way at the wrong time. Blame Istus not my client.

Theft; Not guilty, on the grounds that, because of a religious conviction, my client believes that all property is theft, and to accuse my client thus is tantamount to religious persecution by the state. Prosecution on these counts would cause untold uproar among many churches (Trithereon) opening the city up to discontent from within.

Breaking and entering; Not guilty. My client denies breaking anything, and only entered at the request of the tenant.

Industrial espionage; Not guilty. My client undertook a mission of great interest to the whole of Greyhawk, encouraged, if I might add, by certain Prophets. My client was poisoned, subject to rude taunts about the validity of the world in which he lived and exposed to the colour Beige for prolonged bouts. Yet, despite suffering such degradations, he returned to impart what he had learned to all of this world. My client should be rewarded, not prosecuted, for such selfless conduct.

Slander; Not guilty. A truth is a truth, a fact a fact. Such plain speaking honesty is to be applauded in this day and age. My client belongs to no secret society or brotherhood. If he ever had designs on world domination my client would inform all of his intentions; there is past precedence and supporting evidence to this end, my lovely man, er..Judge.

Throwing of an orphan; Not guilty. See next charge.

Assault; Not guilty. Jack the Rhennee was on the run....I mean float, from the authorities. My client, spying the fleeing miscreant, used the only weapon he had to hand in order to arrest the criminals' flight. My client has accepted no credit for his valorous apprehension of this notorious felon, choosing to allow all the credit to be given to the falling orphan, Brian Grubbyaffairs, who is currently recovering, and doing well, at the Temple of Pelor. As for Bob; in a matter of world shaking import, sometimes one has to defend oneself with reciprocal force, and this my client did in the name of his beloved and beleaguered Greyhawk. It was not my clients' fault that Bob's granny was an absolute ringer for Iggwilv, and that he decided to rid the world of such a fiend. I'm sure (heavy sarcasm), you would all have accepted such a challenge without regard for your own health and prosperity.

Breaking a date? Er..... My lord, I'm not sure this is actually illegal. Now, abuse of authority; there's a perfidious thing for sure. Wink

Other charges; Well, you'll need to be specific in order for me to enter a plea on these. But, as you can see, my client is only too willing to co-operate, and it is surely now apparent that despite the sheer volume of accusations thrown his way he is, in fact, and word and deed, a very good Halfling. Although, perhaps occasionally, a little naughty.

I implore you, my lovely lord, dismiss these charges and restore my clients reputation. Such as it is.
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Telemachus
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PostPosted: Sat Apr 19, 2008 12:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Getting back to the deific discussion, at least Bahamut and Pelor are not having it as bad as Xan Yae, Zuoken, and Zodal. With the monks not making the cut in the first release of 4e, these deities are losing a large percentage of their worshipers.

--Telemachus
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smillan_31
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Location: Mt. Smolderac

PostPosted: Sat Apr 19, 2008 8:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ragr wrote:
Hey, Smillan, that had me in stitches. Laughing You must related to **** Van Dyke; "Cahm ohrn Mairy Pop'inns". The only British accent worse than that was the bloke who played Daphne's brother in Frasier, I forget his name, fortunately.


One part **** Van Dyke, one part Don Cheadle's character in Ocean's 11 and one part Val's Halal Kebab Emporium from rathergood.com. You should hear me do my "The angriest man in Cork" impersonation sometime.

I'm hoping you're talking about the Australian guy who played one of Daphne's brothers, because I'm pretty sure the other two brothers were played by British actors. That'd be funny if a British actor did the worst British accent ever. Smile
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